Lost Moments: Tattoos Like Mile Markers
by casket4mytears
Summary: A collection of lost moments, outtakes and alternate versions of scenes in my story, Tattoos Like Mile Markers. Obviously, you should read the core story first. Rated for language, sex, mental illness imagery and mature themes.
1. Chapter 1

_AN: Eons ago, I offered those reviewing a specific chapter (13 if I remember right) a bonus 'lost moment' I'd written. At the time, I promised to eventually release it for everyone to see, because it was making me giggle a lot._

_So here it is: the first lost moment from Tattoos Like Mile Markers. Any future outtakes/alternate versions of scenes will be in this 'story', so be sure to add it to your favourites. _

_As always, SM owns Twilight. I own no pipe wrenches, but do like to challenge people to fights with them as a laugh._

* * *

**Lost Moment 1: Pipe Wrench Fight?**

_Moment lost between the end of chapter 8 through 9…_

"It's ten after midnight," Bella absently mused, her fingers running lightly along Edward's arm as she lay across his lap.

"So?"

Bella chuckled, "It's just occurring to me that we have been surfing YouTube for at least two hours now, with no signs of stopping. Are we becoming like the masses? Losing our non-conformist points?"

"You lost those when you bought that bra at American Eagle Outfitters yesterday," Edward remarked dryly, laughing as Bella punched his arm, then shook her own fist in pain.

"I'm poor! It was six dollars and you were _literally drooling_. Fuck off!"

Edward grinned, reaching for Bella's hand with his. His strength overpowered her protests as he brought it to his lips, brushing his lips lightly across each knuckle. Her thumb automatically moved to run along his lower lip, prompting his tongue to dart out along the sensitive flesh, eliciting a murmur of pleasure. _The tiger is a kitten once more_, Edward thought to himself, his breath catching as Bella rose from her reclined position, quickly straddling his hips.

"You know I'd buy you anything you need or want," Edward whispered, "I'll always take care of you, Bella. Always."

"I take care of me," she insisted, punctuating the statement by grinding her core against the bulge in his jeans. "And you, in my own way…" she added slyly, pressing her soft lips against his, grazing them, a tease.

"Mmm… You gonna take care of me right now? I sense a large problem looming…"

Bella giggled, grinding her hips again, amused by Edward's groan as she leaned back, reaching for his hands. With a lick of her lips, she pressed his palms to her breasts, sighing as he squeezed them gently.

"I'm going to take care of something, alright…"

Without warning, she pulled away, leaping to her feet and prancing down the hallway. Edward gasped, his jaw slack in shock. _Wait! That was going… Well, I was going to go!_ Her tinkling laughter as she shut the bathroom door made him grimace. _Blue balls. She's blue-balling me!_ Taking a deep breath, Edward called down the hall.

"I think you forgot to finish what you started, Miss Swan."

"I have to piss like a racehorse! Besides, I'm not going home tonight," Bella replied through the door.

"You're not?" Edward beamed. Bella had sworn from the start that she would go home at least once this week, lest her father begin to suspect that she wasn't staying with Ronan and Emily, as she was claiming to. But if she was staying tonight, and the next night was her late night at Breaking Dawn, then that meant…

"She's not going home 'til the weekend," Edward whispered happily.

It was irrational, and he was sure the granola shrink would label it co-dependent, but Edward found the prospect of sleeping without Bella at his side daunting at best. In her, he'd found something he could neither articulate nor breathe without, something he hadn't known was missing until he'd kissed her the first night here, in his apartment. As the door opened and Bella's bare feet padded back towards the living room, Edward rose quickly to meet her in the doorway, his hands gripping her taut ass and pulling her against him.

"I could get used to this," he mumbled, inhaling the scent of her hair.

"What's a douchebag without a bitch, right?" Bella quipped. "Now, my turn with the YouTube! I have to show you something magical," she declared, pushing away and seizing his hand.

Edward turned the tables as they neared the couch, ensnaring Bella in his arms and pulling her to the couch in a giggling heap, legs flailing wildly as she pawed at his fists, trying to yank free. Twisting sharply, he pinned her beneath him, licking her cheek playfully.

"What are you, five?" Bella squealed.

"Only mentally. Physically, I'm every _inch_ a grown man, but you know that."

"You!" Bella groaned, "You're just damn lucky I like 'em perverted. Now, lemme up!"

Releasing her, Edward watched as Bella's black tank top hitched up, exposing her lower back as she clicked through to her account, then loaded a playlist. Clicking 'Play All' and humming triumphantly, she swung herself sideways across his lap, kissing his neck lightly.

"Behold! A wonder bestowed by the music of the 80s and the sarcasm of the new millennium: Literal Music Videos."

"Literal _what_? Wait, isn't this that song, that 'take me on' one?"

Bella nodded happily, "This is the original that begat a whole subclass of videos, not unlike the misheard lyrics phenomenon. The premise is this: what if artists sang what happened in the actual video, instead of the song itself? It's fucking brilliant! Why didn't I think of it?"

"You were busy being detached from social media? Oh my _God_, he does a crazy imitation of the original singer. Speaking of him, I wonder if _his_ girlfriend blue-balled him before he recorded the chorus?"

Bella thrust her tongue out, shaking her head, "Men!"

"I'm kidd-_hahahaha!_ Holy shit! This would be awesome even if we hadn't knocked back all that Chivas."

Bella knocked back the rest of her drink, nodding enthusiastically as she sang along, "_When I stand here, it makes me human. I'm handsome either way! You know you like it that I'm flirting with you!_"

As Edward watched the video (_This concept is genius!_) and Bella's pantomiming and harmonies, he felt something give way within, something tense uncoiling. A release. Bella's presence alone seemed to lend a more vibrant hue to his world, his every sense sharpened, his world completed a sharp relief to the dreary loneliness before… before _her_. But at this moment, there were layers peeling away, dried and dulled by the warmth of her sun. The snake was shedding his skin.

A caterpillar becoming a butterfly.

"_Band montage_!" Bella squealed, giggling and shattering his brief reverie.

"Did he just say, '_They're gonna beat you up with that pipe wrench?_' Wait… " Edward buckled forward, Bella protesting at their origami pose as he laughed harder, "This video really made no sense for this song!"

"Like any video makes sense? I offer up pretty much every video made for a pop song ever as my proof," Bella replied. "And thus, the brilliance!"

Edward's laptop blared as the song built to its finale, Edward gasping as the background vocalists happily chanted, "_Pipe wrench fight_!"

"They have shirts," Bella mentioned, reaching for the half-empty bottle on the floor for a refill, "He's a clever man."

"Shirts?"

"_Pipe Wrench Fight_ ones."

"WHERE?" Edward shouted, "Must own!"

"Are you serious, Edward?"

Edward forced himself to act serious, "Bella Swan, the shirt is symbolic of our dystopian view on today's popular culture and its failure to engage youth in more than acts of promiscuity and public intoxication. We must wear it proudly, for the future generations, so that they might learn to critically examine the media's effect on their social mores."

Bella froze, her head tilting to the right, weighing his words for a solid minute before responding: "You just dropped acid while I pissed, didn't you?"

Edward burst out laughing, embracing a confused and startled Bella as he clicked through to the linked t-shirt site, "Bella, how often can you wear a shirt that says _Pipe Wrench Fight_? It'll be a fun little mindfuck for the oblivious, and Emmett will die when we explain them."

"Them?"

"Oh, I'm getting you one, too," Edward replied, tapping the keys for his credit card number in a hurry.

"What? No, wait! I can't afford-"

"A present."

Bella rolled her eyes, "'Oh gosh, Dad! He's so _dreamy_! He brings me roses and gimmick t-shirts.'"

"You forgot to add that said shirts are white babydoll style, and thus will hug your amazing tits and look great wet," Edward interjected, submitting the order triumphantly.

"Enough!" Bella gasped, "You need to see the one for the Safety Dance!"

As Bella searched, Edward wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, planting a delicate kiss upon her neck. _I could love this girl. _As her hand found his, fingers lacing between his own, his heart stuttered. _Maybe I already do_. _But it's only been a few days! No… Yes?... _

"Edward? Pay attention!" Bella admonished, handing him the large bottle of Chivas.

Struggling to focus, Edward inhaled, counted to three, then released it. _Fuck it. Whatever this is, it just _is_. And it's what I want._ _Just feel._ His body curving closer as he knocked a shot back straight from the bottle, Edward laughed harder than he had in years, since the looming bars of his prison had slammed down on all sides. Was it possible to escape the suffocating darkness that had been his closest friend for so many years? He didn't know. In that moment, he only knew Bella, and _them_, a force of nature when aligned…

And pipe wrench fights. He now knew pipe wrench fights, thanks to this paradox of a woman at his side. Edward understood plainly, even through the haze of liquor, that he was never going to be the same without either of these, not ever again.

* * *

_I figured with all of the angst lately, we needed a reminder of the good times._

_Review, and please, do let me know what you think of Literal Music Videos. My favourites are Safety Dance and Total Eclipse of the Heart.  
_


	2. Chapter 2

_AN: _

_In leaving readers wondering who had shown up to knock some sense into Edward at the end of chapter 27, many guesses were thrown forward. The two leading answers were Ronan and Alice. In my vision, Ronan came to try and shake Edward sane. However, I'd intentionally left a red herring that it could be Alice, and she would have fit the moment as well._

_Earned by your plethora of reviews - thank you, so much guys - here is a version of the chapter 28 opening where it is Alice at the door. The italicized beginning is the end of chapter 27, inserted for clarity._

_SM owns Twilight; I own a pixie with punch._

* * *

**Alternate Opening for Chapter 28: Pixie Punch**

_The cacophony in his skull grew, even as he poured another double, his hand scarcely able to support the weight of the bottle. Is this how that guy Nick Cage played felt in Leaving __Las Vegas__? Tanya's cries, Liz's pleas, his mother's soft, weak voice, Bella's begging - it was all at once now, a symphonic rendering of Edward Cullen's epic failure as a member of the human race. _

_Maybe this was what madness was._

_His heart pounded now, a kick drum accenting each woman's harmony. He slapped his ears, kicked the kitchen cabinet door until it splintered, but nothing would make the noise stop. The drum grew louder, rapid fire shots to his stomach, until it lurched wildly, nearly spilling its sloshy contents onto the tiles beneath his feet._

_It then dawned on him that the drum was coming from the apartment door. Oh._

_It didn't, however, dawn on him that opening the door might be a bad idea. In his mind, it was his mother, coming to tell him that it was all a horrid dream, that she was alive, that Tanya was happily completing her thesis in California, that Alice had never had to crack his rib to keep his heart beating. In his mind, there was a single Bella once more, and she wanted him, needed him. Neither of these women greeted him as Edward threw open the door, the motion blurring his vision momentarily._

_It was just enough time for him to not see the fist that connected violently with his right eye, driving him backwards and through the glass DVD cabinet door behind him in a shower of prismatic particles and splintered fragments of wood._

_"Get the fuck up. I'm only just beginning with you..."_

Edward shook his head, dizzy from the shot he'd taken to the face and the steady liquid diet of 40 proof of the last two days, certain he had finally lost it, utterly and completely. Because there was no way that he was seeing who he thought he was seeing at that damn door.

"Alice?" Edward mumbled.

"You're damn right it is!" Alice snapped, slamming the door behind her and dropping her purse on the ground. "I told you, didn't I? I told you that I wouldn't let you dodge me again over anything, not after the _hell_ you put me through this summer!"

"You... You _hit_ me?"

"Yeah, I did. And you're freaking lucky it was above the belt, after what I've seen for the last few days!"

Alice strode purposefully towards him, her tiny fists clenching and unclenching. The swishing of her pink silk sundress seemed to Edward more like the roar of a Harley, and he held his head, wincing. _Alice__... Fucking __Alice_. She crinkled her nose as her hand seized his shirt, yanking him to his feet,

"You reek, Edward!" Alice exclaimed angrily.

"Nice to see you, too," Edward grumbled, pulling away from his sister. "Fuck off. Go home. Go shopping. Take my card, if it'll make you go 'way."

Alice shook her head, sadly, "God, look at you... At a time when Bella needs you most, you've run off to your apartment to what, drink yourself to death? You know, because the last time was so much fun? Do you remember that day?"

"Stop," Edward muttered, struggling to his feet and staggering for the kitchen. "I don't need this-"

"Do you _remember_ that day, Edward Anthony Cullen?" Alice shouted, her breathing ragged. "Because I sure fucking do! I sure remember running through the woods-"

"Enough," Edward whimpered, his hand reaching for one of the two bottles in front of him, unsure which was the real one and which was the doubled vision.

"-I remember finding you with a bottle like _that_," Alice sobbed, shoving past Edward, "And a whole fuck ton of pills, and you _not breathing_."

Alice seized the bottle to the left of Edward's field of vision, his eyes blinking hard in disbelief as her heels clicked along the tiled floor, past the shards of shattered cabinet door and discarded clothing, past the piano and the picture frames collapsed upon it, to the main picture window and fire escape. With a huff, Alice opened the door and angrily threw the half-full bottle to the alleyway below, then stepped inside.

With a determined glare, she locked eyes with a distraught Edward and his hands grasping at air, at the wonderful substance she'd destroyed, her voice low and firm:

"I _will not_ do that, ever, _ever_ again. You understand me?"

"Not like that," Edward whimpered. "Aly, I just... I just-"

"You just needed to drown out the memories of Tanya," Alice finished, her face softening. "Honey, I know. You're not the only one who loved her, Edward. She was my friend, my sister... and I miss her so much. I can only imagine how much _you_ miss her."

Edward sobbed quietly, slinking to the ground. His hands stung from shards of glass embedded in the palms, and for a moment he wondered if this was how Tanya had felt as her windshield exploded onto her beautiful face, this meticulous torture that crept deep within, spider webs of pain ensnaring each tiny nerve in their woven misery. Did she feel her rib crack against the air bag? Did she realize she was about to die?

Did she think of him at all?

"Shit, you're bleeding," Alice sighed. "I'm sorry. I'll fix that for you."

Alice made her way down the hall, the faint click of a switch and a slamming of cupboards as she ransacked the bathroom. Edward forced himself back to his feet, admonishing himself for his weakness. _You don't deserve any sympathy. You destroy. You kill. You ruin everything._ Collapsing onto the couch in a disheveled heap, his eyes pressed closed as he willed the room to stop spinning.

"Just like Dad," Alice mused aloud as she returned. "Gimme your hands, Edward."

He obliged her reluctantly, fervently hoping Alice would leave if he cooperated, but knowing better. Alice was persistent, a hungry dog with a bone once she set her mind on something. He would definitely not be left alone anytime soon, and he would definitely not be given a drink. These were both very bad things. The tweezers tugged at the shards of glass, tearing the clammy flesh of his palms, but he accepted the pain dutifully. _You deserve worse_, he told himself.

"Edward," Alice said quietly, "Why are you drinking?"

"You know."

"No, Edward; I know why you want to shut off your brain, why you want to hurt and be left alone. But why, specifically, are you drinking alcohol?"

_Because if I drink long enough, I won't be conscious. I won't be able to think of Bella's face in the moonlight, begging me to stay, or Tanya's angry eyes, or how I fail every fucking woman in my life, you included, Tink_. Edward shrugged, slumping further in the couch, willing himself to be smaller.

"Fine, then," Alice sighed. "Let's try an easier one: why'd you leave Bella?"

Edward remained silent. What was the point in trying to explain? Alice loved Bella. There was nothing he could ever say to make her understand why he'd had to leave, why he'd fled. There were no words for the panic. He could not speak of pulling off to the side of the road between Forks and Port Angeles, of vomiting the contents of his stomach onto the shoulder while sobbing hysterically. None of this would appease his sister.

It didn't even appease him.

"Do you know what you've done to her?" Alice asked softly. "Do you have any idea how broken she is-"

"Of course I know!" Edward screamed in her face, startling his sister backwards. "I know exactly what kind of bastard I am for leaving her there. Why do you think I texted you? But what was I supposed to do? Everything fractured. Everything was in twos. Two Bellas... two... Fuck you," Edward spat, "You don't get it."

"I get it better than anyone, I bet," Alice replied firmly. "And I'm not leaving until you get it, too. Bella's just an innocent bystander in your own war on yourself, Edward. You know that, right?"

"War? Wha-? You make no goddamn sense." But she did. She did, in a way. And that fact made Edward very, very angry.

"Edward, you didn't kill Mom," Alice said softly. "You didn't kill Nana."

Edward's eyes filled with tears, his hand pawing at his chest, at the bluebird tattoo beneath. He shook his head violently, as if he might dislodge her words. _La la la, go away, can't hear you, la la la_...

"Edward, Liz wasn't your fault," his sister continued gently, running her fingers through his hair as she pulled him against her chest. "She was always messed up. I always knew that."

"N-no... Don't touch me..." Edward pleaded weakly.

"And Tanya was a horrible, horrible accident, and somewhere, there's a stupid rich shithead with blood on his hands. But it's not on yours, Edward. I promise you-"

"Stop," Edward whimpered, "Just stop, Aly. I b-broke h-h-her h-heart-"

"But you didn't crash into her car, and you know that," Alice interrupted. "You know, deep down, that you drink to make yourself like him. To give yourself someone to hate. And you freak out on drinking and driving because you can't stand just hating yourself."

"No more," Edward whispered, sobbing against Alice's shoulder. _I do. I do hate myself. I hate everything about me. I HATE_.

"You love Bella," Alice stated. "You love her even more than Tanya."

Edward shook his head, "Doesn't matter... Left her..."

"You left her, to drink. To make it stop. To passively hurt yourself." Alice rocked him gently as he cried, oblivious to the dampness of her dress. "Just like she drinks to forget... Just like she probably, deep down, wanted to die that night, no matter what she says."

Neither of them spoke, Alice's tiny body gently swaying as Edward's sobs grew louder, more violent. He could not remember the last time he'd truly let go and _cried_, released every ounce of emotion within him. He cried for Tanya, for Liz. He cried for Alice, who was again tasked with saving him from himself. And she was right; a part of him longed to simply stop _being_. In the moments before she'd burst through the door and cleaned his clock, he'd understood that Bella was lost - lost due to _his actions_. A world without Bella was no world worth staying around for.

"Edward," Alice whispered, "Why do you drink?"

"I _hate_ myself," he confessed. "I'm so sorry, Aly..."

"I know," Alice replied. "Shh... I love you. Carlisle loves you. Emmett loves you. And Bella loves you, so much."

"N-No," Edward sobbed, "She's... I hurt her. I promised her and I..."

"Fucked up. Big time," Alice admitted, pulling back to meet Edward's eyes. "You had no right to judge her so harshly, even with your history. She hurts enough for Rachel, for the lies everyone tells and the way her people wouldn't even let her go to Rachel's grave to mourn her. But she hasn't said anything about you, except that you're gone. On paper, it seems so simple, so straightforward: Edward is gone. But to hear her speak it, it's..."

"It's what?" Edward asked, swiping at his tears.

"It's as if her will to live is gone." Alice swallowed hard, her eyes averting, "She's not going to make it, Edward."

Edward froze, his heart skipping as his sister bit her lip. _Not going to make it? Bella wouldn't... She couldn't... She said, after Jessica..._ His eyes widening, he gripped Alice's shoulders, shaking her slightly.

"Alice, what do you mean by that?"

Alice shook her head, "You _know_."

He knew, alright. In his head, he could hear Elton John, could taste the air of that day in the meadow, where things seemed so clear. Die. It was what he was meant to do. It was the only way to atone for all his sins. It was the feeling of ether, of sinking down deep in a cloud as the world receded, that he'd sought out, that he'd found - only to be jerked back violently by Alice. Panic washed over him as he saw Bella, limp, lifeless. _What if Bella is doing it right now_?

"You didn't leave her alone, did you?" Edward demanded.

"No, of course not! Not since I saw that look in her eyes. Ronan's taking her to therapy and then spending the evening with her. I'm supposed to spend the night again."

"Again?"

Alice nodded. "She won't sleep alone. And after the cut - no, _slash_ - she thinks I don't know about, it's a good thing I'm always there. But sooner or later, it's not going to be enough. She needs _you_, Edward. She may be angry or resistant at first, but she needs to hear you love her still. That she has a reason to hope, to try."

Edward sighed deeply, running a hand through his sweaty hair, "I'm so sorry, Alice. Jasper-"

"-Is in line to kick your ass, right after Ronan and Charlie," Alice finished. "You're lucky I was able to hold Ronan off, because he sounded ready to dismember you with his bare hands and dissolve you in lime."

"I still got beaten up," Edward mumbled. "Where the hell did _you_ learn to punch someone? You're pint-sized."

"Jasper made me take kickboxing with him this summer," Alice crowed. "It was supposed to release my frustration with you. We spar all the time." Eyeing the glass on the floor, she frowned. "I'll replace the cabinet, by the way."

"Never mind. Ugly ass cabinet, anyway." Edward hesitated, swallowing the lump in his raw throat. "Alice, what do I do?"

Alice thought for a moment, tapping her fingers on the coffee table beneath her, "Get some serious help for your self-loathing and lose the perpetual little black rain cloud, Eeyore. But that will take a while."

Edward growled. "Stuff it, Tink."

"You have to apologize to her, talk to her, of course," Alice added. "In person is best. Maybe she can blacken the other eye?"

"Yeah, no doubt..." Edward knew all too well that Bella's slight frame was deceptive. She packed a tremendous punch when she so desired.

Talk to Bella... he could do that. No; he _would_ do that.

"Take me to her," he demanded.

"What, now?" Alice exclaimed. "Edward, you're drunk as shit. You stink. Not exactly the best impression or the best headspace-"

"Alice, what if she does something _bad_? It can't wait. I can't let her do _that_!"

"Okay, we'll go!" Alice relented. "Calm down, Edward. But change first, at least?"

Edward sniffed his shirt reluctantly and gagged. "Um, yeah, I see your point. Two seconds."

"And I can't promise I can save you from Ronan!" Alice called out behind him. "Because he is seriously ragey."

"It's okay; I deserve it," Edward murmured sadly.

Edward stumbled down the hallway to his bedroom, sobering up slowly as he reached for the emerald green t-shirt Bella always complimented him on. _I can do this. I will get down on my knees and tell her I never should have just left. I should have taken her home, or taken her to __Alice__, anything but leave her lying there. And then she can kick me in the gut, and I will accept that. _Tugging the tee over his head, he reached for his deodorant, nodding to himself. _I have to earn back her faith. And I have to get my shit together. For Bella_.

"Edward? Her appointment's over soon. If we're going to catch her-"

"Coming!"

_Hang on, Bella. Please don't go there. Please don't give up. Not over me_.

* * *

..._ And SCENE!_

_So, tell me: which did you prefer? I know my vote, but mum's the word._

_Chapter 29 should be out this week, faithful readers. _


	3. Chapter 3

_AN: _

_As voted by reviewers, here comes an outtake based off the vague concept of 'Edward and Alice as teenagers'. At the time of proposing it, that's all I had. No concrete ideas or plot bunnies. All I knew was that I wanted it to be when Edward was happy._

_So, out hopped a bunny from the shadows... and the rest is intoxicated history._

_Songs Quoted In The Chapter:_

_I'm Deranged - David Bowie_  
_Eye - Smashing Pumpkins_  
_Feel-Good Hit Of The Summer - Queens of the Stone Age_

_Enjoy a little silly, in the midst of the angst of late._

* * *

**LOST MOMENT 2: FEEL-GOOD HIT OF THE SUMMER**

_Seven years ago (2002)_

"Tink? You can't stay in there forever!"

"Screw you!" Alice sobbed. "You don't know my pain!"

Edward grimaced, "Well no, I don't get cramps, but I've been kicked in the balls by Emmett a couple times, so I _think_ I can relate-"

"It's not just the fucking cramps! You're such a boy! You suck!" Edward heard her blow her nose loudly inside the bathroom. "You have your perfect relationship with Tanya, and your friends, and your stupid awesome hair colour you don't even have to _try_ for, and… and… Just _go away_!"

"Alice, open the door before I pick the lock," Edward said softly. "We can go get drunk in the meadow, alright? It's really warm for September, and the parentals are gone for the weekend."

Silence, save sniffling and the shuffle of her legs against the tiles. _I am going to murder Eric_, Edward vowed to himself. _He cheated on my sister? MY sister? With Lauren, of all the bitches at our school? His ass is getting thoroughly kicked come Monday_. He hadn't seen Alice this devastated in a long time, and, to make things worse, she hadn't even wanted to date the prick in the first place. She had only dated him to catch the eye of Jasper Whitlock, his very taken friend with the Spanish whore girlfriend, Maria. Jasper seemed a decent enough guy, from what Edward had managed to glean through brotherly snooping, even if his taste in women was 'extras from Valtrex ads'..

"Aly? Come out, please?"

With a resigned sigh, Alice unlocked the door, tugging it open just enough to peer out at Edward. Her eyes were swollen and red, her cheeks flushed and damp.

"What do we have to drink?" she mumbled.

"Anything you want from the cabinet," Edward replied. "I'll take the rap for it, if they even notice. I even have a little something else that Tanya's cousin Kate managed to snag for us."

Alice's eyes widened, "No!"

Edward grinned, "Indeed. Grab the boom box from Emm's room and a few CDs, and meet me downstairs to pick your poison."

Alice forced a smile, stepping out and embracing her brother. "You're the best brother ever."

Edward chuckled, "I know. I turned down sex for a night with my little sister. Remember this, one day, when I feel like ass."

Alice giggled, "Overshare! But noted… Ugh!" She clutched her abdomen. "Can't you convince Dad to just rip this damn thing out for me as a birthday present?"

Edward frowned, "Somehow, I don't think he makes it a practice to sterilize girls on their seventeenth birthdays. But you know, we could have you meet a stranger and go to his hotel room, and hope for a modern 'kidney iced' urban legend result."

"Ick! I want narcotics, not a bathtub of ice! Okay, meet you in two downstairs."

Edward chuckled, jogging down the spiral staircase to the dining room, wherein his parents stored their liquor in an antique cabinet. Alice deserved a little debauchery to cheer her up; it would be a small price to pay, should they notice the supply dipped into. The Cullens often had guests over from Esme's charity work or Carlisle's fellow doctors at the hospital stopping by to unwind; such a steady stream of entertaining made it difficult to remember what was stocked when. So long as the more expensive cargo remained – Carlisle's Johnny Walker Blue Label and Esme's absinthe – they would likely escape undetected.

"Eeeny meany miney…. Merlot?" Edward paused, clutching the bottle of wine. _Alice__ does like the grapes._ Setting it beside him, he continued to scavenge. "Grey Goose, Johnny Black, Chivas… Mmm…"

"Got it!" Alice shouted, her tiny feet thumping down the spiral staircase. "I grabbed a few soundtracks of angst and rage, to mirror my bitter heart."

"So, music to murder by?" Edward mused. "I could go over there and beat his fucking face in right now, if you like."

"No," Alice sighed, crouching by the cabinet. "I need girl time."

"Um, Aly? Last I checked, there's a _big _reason why I can't be called a girl-"

"Ew!" Alice laughed, slapping him in the head. "You know what I damn well mean, Edward Anthony! Ooh! Peach schnapps!"

"Schnapps? _Really_, Alice? I offer you free selection and you're declining primo tequila and gin for schnapps?"

Alice nodded happily, "Tastes like candy. PMS demands sugar." At Edward's grimace, Alice pouted her lips, narrowing her eyes. "You _promised_-"

Edward shook his head, "Whatever, Tink! I'm snagging the Chivas." Securing the cabinet door, Edward winked at his sister. "Let's go get smashed!"

Alice wandered barefoot into the moonlight, carting the liquor for their private party while Edward examined the discs she'd brought along. _The Blair Witch 2 Soundtrack? Really? Man, she's pissed! The Crow! Nice call, Tinker-Hell_. A buzzing in Edward's pocket alerted him to a text message, and he fumbled with the stereo and CDs, flipping open the tiny cell phone. _Tanya._

_Hey babe, got your msg about Al. Need me 2 help?_

Awkwardly, Edward managed a quick reply: _Getting Tink drunk. All good. Shop w her tom?_

A brief wait, and a buzz: _Done. Love u._

Edward returned the sentiment, fully aware he was grinning like an idiot. Tanya Denali, the prettiest, most popular girl at Forks High, loved him. Edward, the nerd. Edward, the music addict. He often wondered what horseshoe he'd unknowingly rammed up his ass the day she'd invited him out for a movie, baby blue eyes framed in long lashes, pleated kilt scarcely grazing the tops of her knees. Tanya, in spite of her social power, was humble and gracious, friends with the entire school. Band geek to brain to brawny jock, they all received Tanya's smiles and quiet conversation. Her election to student council was a landslide, with 97% of the vote behind her. Only the jealous bimbos had refused to throw their weight behind her, but, as Lauren had demonstrated in jumping Eric's bones behind Alice's back, with friends like those…

"Oooh! The stars are gorgeous tonight!" Alice trilled, throwing herself down onto the grass in the centre of the meadow. "Full moon, too. It's perfect, Edward."

"Brother knows best," Edward agreed, settling down beside her and flipping the CD player on. "How long do these batteries usually last?"

"Hmm, an hour and change, maybe?" Alice mused. "S'okay; I brought a spare set."

"Well played, little fae. Well played. Now, give me the damn bottle!"

Alice laughed, yanking the CDs from his grasp as she presented his alcoholic treat. "Which one, which one… Ah! Yes!" Popping a disc in the changer, Alice busied herself with the nearly full bottle of schnapps, knocking back several gulps in quick succession. "Yummy! Warm and gooey in my belly."

"_Funny how secrets travel,  
I'd start to believe if I were to bleed  
Thin skies, the man chains his hands held high_…"

"Bowie… Always a good call," Edward enthused, knocking back the Chivas.

"Bowie is pure sex," Alice giggled. "Seriously, that man in leather pants? It should be illegal."

"Tink, you are _not_ trying to spin Labyrinth as masturbatory fodder, are you?" Edward groaned. "Because I'm pretty sure that I might wretch more than any victim of the Bog of Eternal Stench."

"Like you haven't jerked it to Jennifer Connelly," Alice scoffed, taking another swig. "Probably imagining her all in leather, handcuffed and insisting _you have no power over her_."

"ALICE!" Edward gasped. "Kiss our mother with that mouth?" _How the hell did she guess?_ Edward wondered silently.

"I'm sixteen, Edward! You act like I haven't seen porn." Alice laughed, rolling onto her stomach and kicking her legs in the air.

"I think I'm going to be sick."

"Relax! I'm still a virgin; don't go grabbing a gun or anything!"

Edward grumbled, shaking his head. "I'm going to need one for whoever helped you find the shit in the first place."

"The internet, dear brother. It's an amazing place, full of links Emmett forgets to clear from the browser history. Did you know he likes MILFs?"

Edward burst out laughing, sloshing the Chivas down the outside of the bottle, coating his hand. "You're shitting me! Emm? Really?"

"Uh-huh," Alice confirmed, a mischievous grin on her face. "I'm pretty sure he's looked at donkey porn, too, but I was afraid to click and confirm exactly what the one site was talking about. Something about a donkey doing the plowing 'this time,'" Alice laughed, making air quotes. "Our brother is a serious perv, Edward."

"I will never, _ever_ let him live this down! Tink, you are awesome."

"Like there was ever any doubt!" Wincing slightly, Alice chugged her Schnapps, curling up on her side. "God, I hate being a girl, sometimes."

Edward nodded, "Yeah, Tan suffers pretty badly, too. Someone should invent a cure for cramps or something. I do have that little herbal remedy you could try?"

Alice tilted her head, "You know I've never smoked, right?"

"Watches porn, but avoids pot. Of course. Perfect logic," Edward teased, withdrawing the small plastic case and lighter from his pocket. "It's no big, Aly-Cat. I'll show you how, and if you cough too much, I'll just shotgun it for you."

"You'll what?"

Edward laughed, "Just chill out. Tonight is all about distraction, and if there's anything weed does for me, it's distracting me from any concrete thought patterns. That, little one, is what you need… And we need to skip along to my favourite on this disc." Tucking the joint between his lips, Edward skipped briskly through the disc, settling on the eerie electronic melody backing Billy Corgan's vocals.

"_I lie, I wait  
I stop, I hesitate  
I am, I breathe  
I meant, I think of me  
Is it any wonder I can't sleep_?"

Flipping open his Zippo, Edward carefully lit the tightly packed joint, blowing lightly to ensure a clean ember glow. Taking a deep hit, he held it for a minute, beckoning Alice closer to him. Confused, she scooted across the grass and moved to speak – a perfect opportunity for Edward to exhale towards her mouth. Alice choked slightly, but caught on, holding for several long seconds before releasing.

"Is _that_ a shotgun?" Alice asked.

"Mmhmm. Now, try and take a hit of your own, alright? Do _not_ inhale a lot; the first time's always a bitch, especially with a J."

Following his instructions, Alice mirrored her brother's demonstration, sucking back only briefly on the joint before passing it back to Edward, blinking her eyes from the smoke. Edward smiled encouragingly, taking another drag of his own. _The parents would kill me for this, but even Dad's gotta know about medicinal marijuana uses._ Exhaling with a stutter and gasp, Alice reached for her liqueur, shaking her head.

"The paper makes my throat itchy, I think," she complained. "Like bad strep."

"Yeah, bongs are easier for the newbies," Edward agreed. "I'll keep shotgunning, if you want."

"No, I can do it!" Alice protested, sticking out her chin. "It's an excuse to drink more schnapps."

The brilliant silver orb glowing above them cast strange shadows off the bottle in Edward's hand as he leaned back, taking in the cool autumn night. _Nighttime will always be my time_, he mused. _The darkness, the silences, the way everything seems so vast, every possibility on a platter, doors opening. _In the nights, Edward composed far easier than when he forced himself to sit at the keys, absently tinkling out old children's songs. In the night, his confusion gave way to insights and sketches in his journal. He never doubted Tanya's love for him in the cool black blanket of constellations, a web of wishes. Taking another hit, he allowed his muscles to tense then release, melting his body into the cool earth beneath him. _Life should always be like this_.

"Y'know Edward?" Alice's voice slurred slightly, and he stifled a giggle. "It's helpin' with the cramps."

"Told ya. You want more?"

Alice giggled, rolling onto her back with a soft thump, "Nope! All done! Change the song!"

Edward changed discs entirely, the creepy soundtrack of a Lynch film bound to trip him out in a bad way. Staring at the selection, he laughed, aiming for a specific track. _Perfect! The theme song of debauchery_. As the music kicked in, Alice snickered, her head lolling towards Edward.

"I love Queens of the Stone Age."

"They're decent," Edward agreed, stubbing out what remained of Kate's 'gift'. "But this song's my favourite. Simple and to the point."

"Isn't this the song that made the witch like, possess them and shit?" Alice asked, referring to second Blair Witch film.

"You scared of Elly, Alice? Scared of the big bad witch coming out of the forest-"

"Nooooooo…."

"-with her little stick figure guys dangling in the breeze-"

"Stop it! They're scary!" Alice protested, covering her ears.

"-clutching the long lost map of Heather and Josh!" Edward finished, laughing as Alice buried her face in her hands. "Aww, come on! It's just a movie!"

"But it's creepy!" Alice whined. "And besides, the first time that Tan and I watched it, we used a Ouija board afterwards, and like, shit went crazy!"

"Really?" Edward leaned in, taking another drink. "Tan never told me about this."

"That's because I made her promise! I knew you'd be a jerk face and tease me!" Alice crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at her brother. "The, like, ceiling fan in the basement turned on by itself! And then her computer screen flickered, which we thought was just a power surge. But then…"

"Then what?" Edward asked. "Aly, tell me!"

Lowering her voice, Alice whispered, "The fucking desk chair rolled across the room by itself. I thought I was going to piss myself while we ran upstairs! It freaked me out so badly."

"Jesus, Tink. I'm so sorry." Edward had paused the music as Alice grew upset; the silence in the clearing seemed ominous now, no longer a comfort.

"I'm sorry, too," Alice murmured. "Sorry that _you fell for that shit!_"

"You bitch!" Edward shouted, tickling Alice until she gasped and squirmed away, her tiny feet nearly connecting with his jaw.

"Music!" Alice panted, struggling to regain control of her breathing.

Edward obliged, the two of them screaming along, now very, very much intoxicated.

"_Nicotine, Valium, Vicodin, Marijuana, Ecstasy and Alcohol_!"

"I'm hungry," Alice moaned. "Why didn't we bring cookies?"

Edward frowned. "Fuck. Why _didn't_ we bring food? I could go for pizza."

"Oh my god, pizzzzzzzzaaaaaaa!" Alice shrieked, leaping to her feet. "And cake! Or no, no, Mom baked a pie, didn't she? Cherry?"

"We should probably eat it before Emm tries to fuck it while watching MILF porn," Edward quipped.

Alice laughed harder, tears streaming down her face. "I can't even look at him now! What does his girlfriend Maggie think? Isn't she our age? Is she secretly a teen mom?"

"If she is, Carlisle and Esme will shit a brick house _each_, because I know for a fact she was a virgin before Emmett came her way. And what do you mean, _you_ can't look at him? You're the one who told me this horrible shit! I'm going to have nightmares about him bonking Stifler's mom!"

"Look, I was just trying to find a copy of Wild Orchid, because my friend Gianna said it was awesome sexy. It's not my fault that certain links had obviously been clicked before. I _touched his keyboard! _Do you have any idea how icky I felt afterwards? I showered!"

Edward shuddered, "Okay, enough about you and porno and Emm and his wankery. I want food, and I'm thinking ridiculous movies. Kevin Smith?"

"Nah, too easy. I say we think outside the box, like, bad movies. _Really_ bad movies!" Alice stumbled to her feet, tipsy and grinning. "Like, _Teen Witch_ bad!"

Edward froze at the border of their backyard. "No," he mumbled with a shudder. "Are you serious?"

"Well…" Alice winked, skipping ahead and stumbling over her feet, "_Top that_, Edward!"

"Alice Mary Cullen, there are about ten thousand movies I could probably list that are better than that movie."

"Whatever! I wanna watch cartoons!"

Edward staggered behind his little sister, stifling laughter as she stumbled and fell into the porch. Hell hath no fury like the pixie scorned, and with hormones in overdrive, he didn't dare risk provoking the beast within the beauty. His own head swam with a wild blur of thoughts as he lugged the boom box and juggled his half bottle of whisky. _At least she's smiling… and Emmett's not home to rape our pie_. Alice held open the porch door, laughing as Edward nearly fumbled the alcohol, falling to his knees with it cradled against his chest.

"Drunk!"

"You're one to talk," Edward grumbled. "Help, why don't ya?"

"I held the door," Alice crowed, stumbling into the kitchen. "Pie! Want!"

"Save me some-"

The doorbell cut Edward off abruptly, the two siblings exchanging a look of panic. Tanya wouldn't come over this late, and neither their parents nor Emmett were expected home until tomorrow. Snatching at the schnapps and whisky, Edward jerked his head towards the front entryway.

"I'll stash these! Get the door!"

"I'm so wasted!" Alice cried, panicking.

"Check the peephole! Don't invite the fucking Scream killers in, alright?"

Edward dove for the cabinet, scrambling to juggle their bottles behind others, hoping that the significant dent in each wouldn't be missed. Given his promise to Alice, he genuinely dreaded Emmett's brand of torment, should missing _peach schnapps_ be blamed on him. The front door opened and he slammed the cabinet closed, running a hand quickly through his sweaty hair. _Shit! What is __Alice__ doing?_ Forcing himself to walk a relatively straight line, Edward stepped into the main hallway and immediately understood Alice's lack of hesitation.

"Jasper? What are you doing here?"

The towering, muscular man brushed his blonde curls from his eyes, shrugging his shoulders. "I know it's late and all, but I heard from Eric's roommate that he, uh-"

"Broke up with me?" Alice said, her voice tinged with sadness and humiliation.

"I would call it acting like a total fucking prick, but that's me."

Jasper was obviously seething, and Edward clued in immediately on the why: _Jasper likes __Alice__. He _really_ likes __Alice_. Stepping towards them, Edward flashed a casual smile at their visitor. He nodded, acknowledging the gesture, seemingly unaware of how Alice was only upright courtesy of her iron grip on the door handle.

"It doesn't matter. We were never… I mean, we dated, and I cared about him, but we never had that spark thing, you know? Like that stuff in the movies?" Alice was rambling, her eyes twinkling and transfixed.

"I know what you mean. Maria and I, it was never serious-"

"Was?" Edward asked, grateful he wasn't too far gone to make that catch.

"Seems we both tend to attract people with wandering eyes and hands," Jasper said, sighing deeply. "What's done is done. Can't wallow, you know?"

"I know... Life goes on, right?"

Edward was fast becoming a third wheel, and given that his sister was involved, his natural instinct to defend her virginity with a baseball bat was growing cranky. But Jasper was a decent guy, and his coming to console Alice seemed a genuine offer of friendship, and not mere rebound.

"I'm going to get some pie," he said, excusing himself.

"Ooh! I want pie! Jasper, would you like to have some pie with us?"

_Was that… Ha ha, he blushed!_ Edward pressed his hand to his mouth, stifling a laugh as Jasper could only nod and step inside their home. Making his way into the kitchen, Edward heard Alice rattling off various movies and their pros and cons, while Jasper very politely told her to choose 'whatever will make you smile'. His cell phone in hand, Edward shot a text to Tanya.

_Never mind. Jasper saves the day._

Surprisingly, Tanya was still up – likely studying for her chemistry quiz on Monday. Edward's phone rattled on the marble countertops as she sent her reply, Edward distracted by the haphazard job of slicing pie.

_JASPER? We're def still shopping. I want details from her!_

Edward laughed, juggling three plates of pie with forks tucked in his shirt pocket. No doubt there would be plenty of details, especially with Alice's tendency to document every nuance of every moment in her life. Tanya's ears would be quite busy, indeed.

Peering around the corner, his sister was blushing, shifting from left foot to right and back, while Jasper found excuses to fiddle with his pockets. _Maybe I won't need to beat Eric's face Monday; a new boyfriend is pretty sweet revenge_. _Then again, Eric is an all-round asshole… Alright. No broken bones, then_. Stepping into the soft glow of their living room, Edward grinned.

"Pie is served!"

* * *

_I hope to have the next chapter of the main story up early-mid next week... Maybe sooner, if you're lucky. Have an awesome Halloween, Merry Samhain, and thank you for supporting the story. I read every review, sometimes twice._


	4. Chapter 4

_AN:_

_So here's one of the outtakes that I'll be trickling out as time permits! Months ago, someone made a comment about how they'd like to see Alice and her Pixie Punch meet Leah, given how much misery she caused Bella in this story. So then, I thought, "Well, there aren't many places to go when you live in Forks and La Push... Surely, paths would cross again, like at the club..." _

_So enjoy! This moment falls immediately before the events in chapter 38. _

_Songs for this chapter: I Am The Mob -Catatonia; Dress - PJ Harvey; Seether - Veruca Salt  
_

* * *

**TLMM LOST MOMENT 3: WHEN ALICE MET LEAH...**

_Lost moment between chapters 37 and 38_

_April 20, 2010_

One advantage to being addicted to shopping, Alice argued frequently, was that it allowed her to kill time rather easily. It didn't even matter if the stores available carried product she would actually pay for; Alice enjoyed the act of shopping itself, the sheer pleasure of browsing and critiquing items. She'd realized this quirk when watching _Zombieland_ with the family: while everyone had laughed hysterically at the retail carnage exacted in the tacky giftshop, Alice had become preoccupied with the various trinkets, wondering how much each cost, and where she could find such a store for a giggle on a Sunday afternoon.

Today, however, Alice was in her element, browsing the racks of a boutique shop in Port Angeles, killing time before her appointment with Edward and his therapist. Unable to sleep, given the date on the calendar, she'd headed out early, intending to grab lunch with her brother... only to find herself needing solo time. She loved Edward, and didn't blame him for his depression; that said, Alice knew in her heart that a part of her was still very hurt by his actions one year ago to the day. Her Visa itched, and Alice planned to soothe herself and scratch.

Admiring herself in a full-length mirror, pleased with the silky babydoll dress she'd elected to try on, Alice's attention was pulled from her beloved form of recreation by a conversation just beyond the curtained barrier between the storefront and change rooms.

"You know, why the hell is Jake bothering to defend that bitch? Who fucking cares if she slipped? Rachel would be here today if Bella Swan hadn't fucking moved to Forks," a husky female voice spat out.

Alice's head tilted, straining to catch the reply of a giggly female.

"... Jake never stopped having a stiff one for her. Lord knows why... tiny-tit slut!"

The huskier female snorted, "She's not even remotely attractive! She's so plain, a typical pale-faced, doe-eyed imbecilic girl, latching onto a Quileute because white boys can't satisfy women. Like that skank, Lauren."

Alice seethed, meandering closer to the curtain as her fists clenched. Bella was no supermodel-esque beauty, but she was a natural one, something far more desirable in Alice's books. She radiated inner beauty, elevating her far above the popular bitches that made Alice miserable in her teens. Who was this catty cow, and how quickly could Alice lay her out? Peering between the curtains, Alice made out two raven-haired women, both slender, the taller of the two blatantly wearing the top of the line push-up bra from Victoria Secret to boost to a C cup.

"Seth and Embry still adore her, you know. It's pathetic, like puppies begging for a bone. Isn't she, like, crazy? Britney Spears crazy?"

Husky bitch nodded, a wicked grin upon her lips as she sipped a red slushie in her hand, "Bella's a fucking nutcase. I wouldn't be surprised if she killed someone in the near future, just to maintain her little act. And it _is_ an act, you know. 'Oh boo hoo, poor me! My mommy died and nobody loves me! I killed Rachel but I'm sad, so hug me better! Where's my booze?' Fuck that bitch. If Jake thinks I'm going to shut up, he can enjoy my fist in his face."

Alice growled under her breath. _You fucking bitch_...

"Oh Leah, you're such a trip!" the companion laughed, flipping through a rack of white mini-dresses, "This is super cute."

_Leah_... Alice edged backwards into her change room, yanking the curtain shut. The cruel girl who'd sent Bella the dreamcatcher? The one who threatened her at _Paper Moon_? The one that had her so terrified, that the nurse at the hospital who'd resembled her left poor Bella sobbing in fear? Changing quickly back into her own garments, Alice's body was taut with rage. _Now it's really on_!

Metal rings dragged along a glorified rod as stiletto heels clicked into the change area. Alice's breath caught in her throat as she heard the woman enter the booth beside her, cursing under her breath.

"Leah! I have to get back to the cafe, alright?"

"Whatever, girl! I'll see you later tonight at the club," Leah called out from the room beside Alice.

Alice tossed her handbag strap over her shoulder, jerking her curtain open and placing her considered purchase on the waiting rack for items to be returned to the sales floor. Carefully, she weighed her options, mulling a sucker punch blitz or verbal repartee. Being the sister of a mentally ill brother – and the best friend of one Bella Swan – Alice had come to understand how hateful the general public could be towards those afflicted with depression and the like. Even if Leah's grudge wasn't with Bella, Alice would be compelled to give her an education.

The 'it's personal' vibe only made her more vicious.

The other change room drape slid open abruptly, the Quileute woman stepping out in the white mini her friend had admired minutes before. The material hugged her hips, but did nothing for her cleavage. Fashonista Alice mentally declared it fugly as Leah twirled around, flipping her black waves over her right shoulder, tousling her locks.

"I love wearing white," Leah purred, looking to Alice. "It's such a sharp contrast to my skin tone, and so pure, you know?"

Keeping her voice steady, Alice replied, "It's definitely a contrast."

"That's cute, too," Leah commented, gesturing to Alice's rejected dress. "But purple's a hard colour to work with."

"It's royal," Alice said, "And besides, that contrast works well for you. The white sits in sharp relief to your black heart."

Leah froze, her eyes narrowing, "Excuse me?"

"You heard me damn well," Alice uttered angrily. "I honestly don't know what's more pathetic: your catty remarks about someone you so blatantly wish you were, or your overly padded chest. The Victoria ain't no secret when you wear it, honey."

Leah spun on her heel, her five inches of extra height looming over Alice, "And just who the fuck are you? I'd like to know who I'm about to bury."

"Save it for your _Jersey Shore_ audition, Leah. No one here is intimidated or impressed. You're just a sad, spiteful little girl, forever the bridesmaid, because no one wants a bitch bride." At Leah's gasp, Alice grinned, edging forward, "Yeah, Ronan told me all about how your cousin stole your man. Couldn't have been hard for him to choose; even a blow-up doll is an upgrade over you. So here's a little advice: stay the fuck away from Bella, or I will make your life hell in ways your worst nightmares could never conjure up."

Leah's face was flush with rage, her body trembling as she glowered at Alice, "You have no idea who you're messing with. You're four foot nothing. I could step on you mid-stride and not even notice."

And then, Leah lit Alice's fuse: she shoved the diminutive girl backwards, snorting derisively.

Without hesitating, Alice lunged forward, her kickboxing confidence powering the monster shove to Leah's chest. Unsteady on her heels, Leah stumbled backwards into her change room, her ass planting firmly on the bench within – upon which sat one half-full red slushie.

Leah squealed, sputtering as she struggled to her feet, "You _bitch_! You stupid fucking little bitch!"

"No wonder you're so miserable: it's obviously _someone's_ time of month!" Alice chirped, giggling as she pushed open the curtain to the storefront.

"I will fuck you up!" Leah screamed out, just as Alice noted the sales assistant making her way to the back.

"What's her problem?" the clerk asked Alice.

Alice shrugged innocently, "I guess she didn't appreciate my comment about the size of her ass in the dress she tried on."

The clerk laughed wildly, "Oh, Ms. Cullen! You're _evil_! See you soon?"

"Definitely," Alice answered, "Good luck back there..."

Alice meandered past the rack of white mini-dresses, casually picking up a tag and examining it. _One ninety! Oopsies!_ Alice knew the clerk well: one way or another, Leah was paying for the now ruined garment, with its ruby red 'contrast'. Pausing at the exit, Alice snickered as snippets of the conversation in the back carried across the store.

"...no food in the change areas! It's posted!"

"...her fucking fault! I'm not paying for..."

Glancing down at her wrist, Alice smiled to herself. _I couldn't have killed that hour any better. Therapy time!_ With one last giggle at Leah's shrieking from the back, Alice stepped out into the sunny spring afternoon, inhaling deeply. Sometimes, life was pretty damn sweet.

* * *

_Have you contributed to** Fandom Fights Mental Illness** yet? For a minimum $10 contribution to help those with mental illness, you will receive a compilation of pieces from several awesome authors, and the **Vegas Wedding future-take for Tattoos Like Mile Markers, which I have already outlined. This future-take will NOT be available online, EVER, and can I just say that there's a LOT more to it than just Ronan and Emily eloping? **_

_How much more, you ask? Someone has a sudden change in health. Someone has cold feet. And one of our couples faces a drastic change in relationship status (and it's not the obvious!). For a small donation, you can help do so much good, and also get a lengthy, exclusive glance at the lives of Ronan, Emily, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, and of course, Doucheward and Bitchella. _

**_Details are here on how to get the compilation, with links to the contributing authors list:_**

**_findingyourvoice-ffmi[dot]blogspot[dot]com/p/how-to-donate[dot]html_**

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